You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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