Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
