there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
