I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
