Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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