We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
