what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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