pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
last night I used snow as a chaser
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
