the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
