How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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