Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
