I think I won the penis lottery.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
