honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
