I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
