Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
