I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
