i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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