sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
