i would punch a child for taco bell
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
