is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
