i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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