I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
