Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
