Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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