haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
