y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My balls are so social today.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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