dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
