The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
