Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
