He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
