WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
