True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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