Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
