I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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