im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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