she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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