i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
