So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
