First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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