I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
