Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
