in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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