his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
