Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
