it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my being single is dangerous.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
