Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
