man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
