okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
