He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
