last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the raccoons are back...
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