That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
