the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
