Kiss
Puke
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
