he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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