When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
